Faith, creativity, and the aftermath.

It was surprising to find that 9/11 didn't make me anxious, as I had been during the Gulf Crisis, which led to my reconciliation; and the new spiritual birth. I was a basket case in those days. It makes a difference to know that you are in control, LORD, and that Your word says 'only you make me dwell in safety'. Now if I had the same confidence with my daily problems I'd have it made.

Intellectually I know I already have it made, it's just easier to say 'I live by faith' than it is to do it every moment. In my vulnerable moments, when the cares of the world loom larger than life, I comfort myself with the knowledge that you know what's in my heart; plus, since my name is written in the Lambs book of life, I have the promise: "He who started a good work in me, will see it through until Jesus comes." (Philippians 1:6) Use my contemplations on the anniversary of 9/11 to strengthen my walk with you LORD.

Meanwhile, the challange remains to give hope to the hopeless. That was a major intent behind the desire to write a short story, plus create curiosity in the book of Revelation. In the months following 9/11 there was a flush of ministries talking about the connection, and there were even seminars about the end times. So I felt a little deflated during the delay period, but I saw nothing similar to my idea of viewing it as a journal from a Christian perspective, and there are always people who need a timely word to revive their hope. At times this book seemed like an impossible task, LORD, but it's nice to remember reading your word to the apostles, "Nothing is impossible with God."

Writing about my faith works better for me: I'm not comfortable going up to strangers and just blurting out, "Do you know Jesus?" Often it goes over like a lead brick, and closes the door. I feel more confident just listening to someone's problem and ministering Godly wisdom, without sounding as if I'm cramming it down their throats. Often they are not even aware that I'm using Your word LORD, and many are open to prayer when I let them lead me to what their need is. It helps if they feel as if they know me too, so I'm planning to let the neighbors catch me sketching out in the back lot; it's a great way to start a conversation. I believe You put a pencil and paintbrush in my hands as tools for Your glory; not just my pleasure.

Speaking of creativity, tonight there was an interesting evening news item; promoting the run of a dramatic dance presentation, commemorating 9/11. The stage backdrop is the familiar picture of the protruding metal beams at 'Ground Zero' ; backlit like sunset. The dancers wore red, modern interpretive dance outfits, and the theme is a plea to God--'whomever or whatever he or she may be'--as stated in the introduction. It really bothers me that people are afraid to say, "Almighty God" for fear of offending somebody. This "politically correct" reference to God irks me. Anyway, the theme is a plea for an end to 'this cycle'? I hadn't been paying much attention to the introduction, so I missed whether it was terrorism, or all wars that was the hearts desire. However, I was pleased to see that artistic expression was alive and well.

Some have painted pictures; written poetry, or songs about the heroes and victims of this disaster. A pang of zealousy gripped my heart when I heard of them, for not accomplishing a creative expression of something so world changing myself; this is not like me. I have a painting to remind me of what I felt during the Gulf Crisis; I started another during the Oka Crisis, in Quebec, and I did a mixed media piece in response to the Wako incident. Sometimes it feels as if my life has stopped counting for anything. If I hadn't heard of the preparation years for Moses, Joseph, David; plus anyone else used by You, LORD, I could slip into dispair. But accepting that I have a God ordained destiny gives me something to hang on to.

P.S. I knew that moving back to Toronto was going to be a hardship, with the higher cost of living than in St. Catharine's, but I didn't think it would turn me into a hermit. Beside having limited resources to get 'out and about' the pollution is hard on my lungs. This has intensified the feeling of not counting for anything, especially since the sister church of my St. Catharine's home church doesn't have a bus pick-up for those on limited budgets, which means I'm unable to at least fellowship with other believers.

This great spiritual hunger led me to create a Christian website: http://www.freewebs.com/christiancrossword where I can fellowship with believers, and browse the forums looking for those who sound as if they need a little encouragement. There is also the interesting extra of having to deal with skeptics and athiests, on the open forums. It can be quite stimulating, as the questions they ask and the statements they make, allow you to exercise your faith. It's exhilerating how what they say reminds me of something from my study of the Bible.

Being on the net has opened a whole new world to me through Google, and YouTube searches. Having an account on the CBCnews blog led to other bloggers giving me tips of items to watch. The things I'm finding are opening my eyes, especially to some of the things I wrote in my first draft. It is stuff I feel compelled to share, so I'm developing another site to do that. http://www.freewebs.com/ccsnewsite I encourage all seekers of truth to check it out. Plus I have accumulated YouTube videos on my favorites page, and submitted my first video to enable others to access them: http://www.youtube.com/rookycybernerd .