Feeling impotent.

As an artist, I felt some personal lack of essense for not coming up with a creative expression of the dreadful site that assailed us all day on tv, as Sept. 11, 2001 unfolded. It had been almost a decade since I became a born-again Christian, and lost my desire to be a successful painter. But this was the kind of thing that left you speechless, and the soul agonized in impotence; needing a way to express its bewilderment.

Since creative expression is as essential to some people, as the air we breathe, I had diverted my creative energy into writing. By the end of the day the idea for a short story was forming, as so much of what we were seeing made me think of Bible prophesy. Not being a natural novelist hung me up for a year. Then suddenly, as tv personalities, or stations spoke of things coming up for the first anniversary, I knew how to write my book.

I love the way C.S.Lewis wrote, "The Screwtape Letters" in a letter format; it would be a perfect way to reveal the unfolding of a thought process. Each letter could be an essay, which was my prefered writing style, and I would address my letters to the Lord; rather than a fictitious character. This would keep me honest, and hopefully serve as an example of how faith works.

It has been six years since I sat everymorning hammering out over a hundred and fifty pages, which never got past the first draft. Moving back to the city changed my focus, but things are happening that are still related to what I wrote then that have been hidden from the general public: for years; decades; even centuries; and are now coming to light. It make me happy that I didn't get back to the rewrite before now, and I see how niave my heart was when I started the first letter:

Sept. 5, 2002
Dear Lord:

As we approach Sept. 11th, I have mixed feelings about the big ado over the anniversary of the Twin Towers disaster. Can we ever forget where we were, what we were doing, or how unreal it all seemed at the time; the constant reruns are imprinted in deep memory. What disturbs me now, as it did then, is the renewed patriotic fervor. It smells like propaganda; especially since President Bush is sabre rattling [as one of the news guys put it], calling for Saddam's overthrow. I read in M.Scott Peck's book, "People of the Lie" that patriotism is national narcissism; tradition and indoctrination replacing freewill.

The big Anthrax scare reminded me of Bible prophecy; even unbelievers were worried about Armegaddon. Fear of biological warfare, and the increased concern about plagues like: West Nile Virus; Aids; and Malaria; to name a few--prompt the thought, "Could these things be the plagues released from the bowls of God's wrath, for The Great Tribulation to come?" (Rev.16). Anyone with common sense can see we are setting ourselves up for disaster: with greater global travel; the destruction of our environment; scientific and military advances. Every summer when I hear of the devastating fires in the west of our continent, and elsewhere, I remember the prediction that a third of the earths trees will be destroyed by fire (Rev. 8:7). It's all enough to make the heart panic, but I thank you, LORD, for the promise of Psalm 91; and the comfort of remembering the Hebrews in Goshen, when Egypt was smitten with ten plagues, which assures us that even today believers will be protected from the coming plagues too.

We are sure to see many replays of those towers crashing down to the ground. It's even more intense when set to music, which documentors tend to do. The heaps of rubble, the smoking twisted steel, and the strangely beautiful sunset, would be a film-makers dream; if it were not the real thing. Ground Zero definitely looked like something from an Apocalyptic movie. It really feels like todays fears are founded: with all the strange weather; wars and rumors of wars; and the other natural disasters. They are all things you spoke of when the apostles asked what the signs would be for the end of the age. We have the technology now for everyone in the world to see you return to the Mount of Olives. CNN with be there filming the hostility, as the nations come against Israel.